Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
