so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
