Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
