My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
