bring money and cleavage
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
