you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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