she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
