She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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