Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
