someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
