Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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