too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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