Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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