i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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