I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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