Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize