Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
