I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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