She announced her abortion via fbk
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
