Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
