OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
