I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
