Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
