Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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