we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
