Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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