you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
