I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
