Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
