I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
