Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
