thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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