i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
