Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
