It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
