i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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