When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
