His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
