so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
