Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
