this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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