this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
