Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
