There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
