We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
