i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
