i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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