guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
