These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
