You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
a search helicopter?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
