You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
