I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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