Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
