I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
