I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we made out on top of his cat.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
