I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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