i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
