Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
