party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
