so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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