please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
