You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
