i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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