i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
