i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
