There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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