what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
