Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
