theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize