woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
