I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
