My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
