Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
